The most important for people are relations with partner, whom we love.
What do people want from relations? How is to save in relations yourself and to be happy with the partner? How is to save love? What is love? These immemorial questions excite each person. And very often we confuse such concepts as “love” and “relations”. It is not the same! The love is a feeling, or even a condition (after all it is not one-stage, it is long). And it is good if partners have this feeling in relations. After all relations is a certain space. It is the general space, where each person wishes to show something.
We subconsciously search for the person, who will love us such as we are. A trouble is that we frequently do not know and do not understand ourselves. Here also we wait for it from others. And are we ready to accept another person unconditionally? At the beginning – of course, yes. The love period is characterized by that we idealize the partner, we do not see his defects, and it seems to us he consists of continuous dignities. It is clear: the artful nature has ensured this mechanism that we all the same aspired to approach and continue a generation. And here when we under the influence of love move to each other – borders between partners are erased.
We become as though a unit. We have common interests, we try to spend all spare time together, and during not free time all of us think of a subject of our feelings. And in this merge danger is concealed: or the chance to lose yourself and to be diluted completely in the partner, or there is a probability to “absorb” other person, to make him part of the person. It would seem: ideal love is when all time you are together. But where are here two independent individualities? But it would be desirable very much a complete unification and that partner was always nearby.
What does disturb us into relations?
Certainly, insult. The insult is when we do not assume the responsibility. When all of us with the behavior (and sometimes and directly words) speak to other person: “You are guilty, you have made my life intolerable – now you should correct everything!” We want, that the partner, feeling guilty, has corrected it. And we will look, whether to forgive him/her.
The jealousy is too the feeling destroying the relations. Instead of loving, we look: and does he love me? And, certainly, we find that acknowledgement that if he loves, it is not enough. After all who searches – that person will always find! Behind jealousy always hides out the fear.
Many put feeling of the property in one number with jealousy. They say that jealousy roots are covered in this feeling. Yes, of course, so it is. But one more nuance: thus the partner is not considered at all as the separate person. There is no respect in it.
Very big care also doesn’t show big respect. When all of us broadcast the behavior to other person “You are weak and silly, and I am strong and clever. You will not live without me”.
Or other extreme measure is dependence on the partner. In this case the trust to yourself is infringed. As though inside is a black hole, which we aspire to fill in with other person.
The total control also does not promote improvement of relations. After all the control always adjoins to suspicions! Similar on jealousy: the aspiration to supervise is an aspiration to secure the life from unexpectedness.
All these things have one general platform: fear and uncertainty in yourself. Usually we do not know ourselves and we aspire to compensate this ignorance in relations. Don’t make silly errors and take care of your love.